We met an older doctor and his wife at a nude resort on Bonaire, a nice older couple our age. Said they decided they had to stay together since neither one of them was willing to take the kids.

 

I am thankful my parents got divorced. Firstly because they were miserable and horrible to each other (hell, they still are and it's been 35 years)
Secondly because I wouldn't have my sisters if they had stayed together.
I took my parents bad example- they are both really crappy parents in general- and have tried to do the opposite in my parenting and my marriage.
I feel it's worked well for us. Our kids are happy and well adjusted. We've been together 23 years and are happy, which in this day and age is almost unheard of.

I am a firm believer that the parents have to be happy and take care of themselves to be the most effective in raising their kids. The kids are better off if mom and dad can find happiness away from each other.

 

When I told my 2 sons me and their mom were divorcing they both laughed and said, I don't why you stayed with her as long as you did.

 

I have been divorced several times. I think I am a much better judge on what is going on in my life than someone on the outside looking in. I didn't need permission from anyone to get divorced.

 

My mom made your exact decision and called it quits except the household was a toxic mess unlike your cold-house description. The divorce broke my heart and made me feel very bad as a sensitive child, I felt jealous of all my friends having both their parents together because I didnt really know how it was like or what was normal anymore but what I was living wasnt. My dad remarried and I had a literal evil stepmom ruining my relationship with him completely even after he divorced her.. my mom did her best but the missing spot remained and will always remain in my life and thus daddy issues and mommy issues but this has to do with people having children with partners they aren't compatible with in the beginning. They have no idea how much their fights and divorce and passive aggressiveness ruined and broke me as an individual. I wish more people would think twice before getting married or having children. Was the divorce a right choice? Yes. Did it fuck me up anyway? Yes. I hope your son grows up doing better than I did.. ♡

 

Staying together "for the kids" is just one factor out of many that needs to be considered, and it's one of the the weakest. Children need to be in a place that feels safe and secure. Sometimes this means separating the adults in the family.

I remember a story about a couple in their 90s, been married 75 years and wanted a divorce. The judge asked why they waited so long. The man says, We were waiting for the children to die."

 

Is it possible that there is a sense of guilt in deciding to divorce when there are children involved and that some are looking for validation from others to assuage that guilt?

Even strangers on a porn forum will do?

 

I wonder if anyone ever openly admits guilt.
Generally it manifests in anger and denial, at least publicly.

 

I'm guilty of having a little dick....ya wanna see my dick?

 

Certainly no evidence of anger in you

 

Just a happy go lucky type of mother fucker I am.

An Ole country boy tryin to get along.

 

My wife is unstable and when she comes unhinged is abusive. There isn't much that can be done about her instability but I can stop the abuse if I'm there.

 

My mam & dad stayed together for the dog ...

 

I've changed my mind about this over the years. Being a child of divorce myself, I used to think the parents should be made to stay together. But over the years I've changed my mind on this. When the relationship between the parents is dysfunctional, it's probably better to divorce. Especially in cases of abuse or violence -- one parent is way better than no parents -- but also in the less severe cases of relationships not working. Because kids pick up on that.

I will say that an awful lot depends on how the parents handle things after the divorce. A cordial working relationship between the parents regarding the kids is absolutely essential. Sometimes that's just not possible and it can't be helped, but the children will suffer for it, so the parent that has custody has to be prepared for it.

 

We definitely live in a disposable world. The early part of falling in love is tingly and exciting and of course we never want it to end. When it grows cold we wish to chuck it and move on and we make excuses that it’s best for the children. Of course this is selfish and were we to make an effort to allow the relationship to evolve into something more mature we would find greater fulfillment but that’s too much work. We just want the fun feelings. (The word jejune comes to mind) I find this adolescent at best in a world starving for adults who cannot be found very easily anymore.

 

I had one wife who had killed one of her husbands and stabbed another husband.
She then killed a man she was supposed to marry.
The second time she tried to kill me I got the hint.
I divorced her.
Do you think I did the right thing?

 

Yeah, I'd run. NOT WALK - RUN.

 

As parents we can only do what we think is best. There’s no manual there’s no set rules we need to make it up as we go. I think as long as people put children first, things tend to work out. regardless if parents stay together or not, it’s 2020 the image of the nuclear family has many shapes and sizes these days. Divorce is not the end of the world, it’s when people begin to use children against their ex’s that everything backfires and goes sideways. In other words you get what you get, be true to yourselves and always think of the children and their needs as individuals not an extension of yourself just because they came out of your ball bag or womb.

 

My Parents stayed together way too long. I don't believe it was because of us kids. They just didn't know how to end it. I was 16 when they finally divorced. It didn't bother my older brother or myself. But my 11 yr. old sister was deeply injured !!

 

POVERTY AND CRIME

In modern America, the correlation between high crime rates and poverty has a great deal to do with the proliferation of single-parent, father-absent households. According to the U.S Census, in 2008 the poverty rate for single parents with children was 35.6%; the rate for married couples with children was 6.4%. For white families in particular, the corresponding two-parent and single-parent poverty rates were 21.7% and 3.1%, respectively. For Hispanics, the figures were 37.5% and 12.8%, and for blacks, 35.3% and 6.9%. According to Robert Rector, a senior research fellow with the Heritage Foundation, “the absence of marriage increases the frequency of child poverty 700 percent” and thus constitutes the single most reliable predictor of a self-perpetuating underclass.

Children in single-parent households are burdened not only with profound economic disadvantages, but are also far likelier to eventually get into trouble with the law. As a Heritage Foundation analysis notes, youngsters raised by single parents, as compared to those who grow up in intact married homes, are much more likely to be physically abused; to be treated for emotional and behavioral disorders; to smoke, drink, and use drugs; to behave aggressively and violently; to engage in criminal activity; and to be arrested for a juvenile crime. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, 60% of rapists, 72% of adolescent murderers, and 70% of long-term prison inmates are men who grew up in fatherless homes.

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